gourmetburgers | [texting repository] bc not everything's gotta be action

I'd be bouncing off the walls after a 5 hour energy. Monster, too. Best not to invoke the "monkey's paw" yet again...

[ He quirks an eyebrow at the Captain America thing. Same, Felicia, he wants to say. Something at odds with the distinct reverence he also feels in Cap's presence, but this is altogether a thing about himself he'd rather interrogate another day! ]

Okay, so if not the Avengers, then what?

[ Oblivious as ever, he clearly doesn't get the clue. Despite how many times they've played a particularly horny game of cat and mouse, Peter can't seem to get his mind into the gutter long enough without explicit prompting. ]

What could be a better invitation than to another mission with me?

Maybe the next Marvel vs Capcom tournament. Yeah, I bet you'd like that!

[ Or... he's fucking with her. Possibly, he knows how oblivious he's been in the past, and he weaponizes that fact. ]

Enough with the monkey paw.

[ I mean, it was Captain America. That's America's Ass. Oh, wrong timeline. This horny game was like 10 years in the making by now, just go with it. ]

Let a girl have her secrets! The kind that doesn't get her in trouble. Much trouble.

[ Maybe the conversation can be less sushi and chill and more talks about preferred fighting games. ]

Sorry, more of a Smash Bros fan. Hey – do you even get royalties to that game? You're killing your brand.

[ Hello meta!!! ]

Edited 2021-05-30 20:59 (UTC)

Look, if it continues to be relevant, I'm gonna keep mentioning it!

[ He's gotta know that with the Parker luck, he'll always have a monkey's paw situation on his hands. ]

You keep your secrets, Cat, I'll keep mine.

Regarding the Capcom stuff, sorry. My NDA hasn't expired yet.

...who do you main in Smash though?

[ That can't be protected by an NDA, can it? ]

It won't be! You're just making it be!

[ Which is not the same thing as happenstance. ]

Unbelievable. You've been making me buy lunch since the first game and you're sitting on a fat passive check every month.

Who do you think? Call the cat curious.

Wishing it was just me being weird all along is a "monkey's paw" situation all on its own. Just saying.

[ If it was just Peter all the time, then it's true that he's heaping all these self-fulfilling prophecies upon himself, against his better judgment. But what if there is some mysterious force dictating Peter's fate, assigning consequences to his actions and wishes? Perhaps that same force articulates itself here and now, as we speak, intoning these very words... ]

I'm trying to save up for something special, okay. Something for you, maybe, but don't quote me on that.

(it's not a literal monkey's paw or monkey's paw-themed accessory)

Also, I bet you play Joker. Dude is a thief. And the game he's from has another cat-themed thief who's pretty damn cute, if I do say so myself.

But maybe I'm biased.

One day you'll know when to web your own mouth shut.

[ He's totally a buzzkill with the monkey paw! She's still laughing though, mainly because it just sounds ridiculous. What's bad about wanting more? Wanting more keeps you waking up every day, after all.

Felicia settles against her balcony's fence, leaning over the railing idly and enjoying the last bit of the night. ]

I know we have 9 whole coffee dates under our belts and a whole lot of UST... but Peter –

[ She's TEASING.... haha, unless. Even at this point, she doesn't let the sentimentality of 'something special' equate to a ring. She uses it as a joke, mainly because she likes him thinking she can joke in return. ]

Wrong. Close, but – I don't know anything about most of the characters. Good to know any cat-themed thief that decides to tip-toe a DMCA can catch your eye, though... hm.

As a lifelong learner, I’m open to being taught how.

[ Uh oh. Peter’s starting to get in a mood while he’s waiting to pick up the avocado toast and some coffee. Being made to wait certainly has an effect, doesn’t it? ]

Your birthday’s coming up, right? All the reason I need, Cat.

[ Yes ad hoc I am mandating this as something in this continuity lol ]

Alright. This one’s a wild card, but you are, so.

Ice Climbers.

Huh.

[ She leaves it at that, spamming a gif his way. ]

What do you ever get the lovable thief that has everything she could ever want? Hmmm... tall order. I look forward to it.

[ I mean, that just makes her smile like an idiot. ]

Wrong. What do I, and one of the characters have in common?

[ Peter leaves a like on that gif, unsure how to continue that aspect of the conversation. It seems to deserve more of a follow-up in-person. There’s a lot of hope invested in that one “thumbs-up” emoji, then— the one Felicia can see from her end of the convo. ]

You’d be surprised.

Hell, you will be surprised. Just watch!

[ He resends the same cat gif, thinking he’s funny. To nobody’s surprise, he’s also trying to seem more conniving than he and Felicia know him to be. ]

Zero Suit Samus? I mean...

She’s agile. Deadly. Dresses skintight.

She’s uh

Limber.

[ No longer thinking with his brain, it seems. Could be that he’s fresh out of it till he gets the caffeine.

At least he’s got enough wherewithal to swing through the city without ruining the bag of food (he has webbed it to dangle from his hip) and the cardboard tray of coffees. ]

You're setting my expectations high, you know. Cats can be pretty hard to please, but... maybe I'll take it easy for you.

[ He is funny - funnier than the handful of guys she's dated since they went different ways. The reality was... as much as she said his jokes were corny and annoying – they leave her laughing. Helps her take life a little less seriously. ]

Is that the one in the big bulky armor? No way. I'm giving you two more chances before you're enjoying the evening yourself. I thought you KNEW me.

Finally, a break in my streak of bad luck.

Well, it actually hasn't been much of a streak lately. Our dates have made life recently... kind of an outlier.

[ He could lay it on even thicker how much he's been enjoying coffee - hence the ease with which he's willing to transport some cafe food to Felicia's. Hopefully a relatively understated compliments satisfies, for now. Because Peter's certainly smiling, imagining how much Felicia must enjoy all his silly bullshit. ]

I mean when she's got her clothes off.

Her ARMOR off. She's wearing clothes under her armor, leaving little to the, the--

Y'know what. That's probably still not it, then.

Incineroar? That's literally an entire cat. Can't go wrong with that!

[ Felicia might begin to wonder how Peter's texting and swinging at the same time. Maybe he's so motivated to text her that he's literally sending messages between thwips. As each swing propels him into the sky, he texts one-handed while plummeting, only to shoot another thread of web before he and the coffee can go ker-splat. ]

Good outlier or bad outlier? You know you have to be specific with me!

[ Coffee was just the gateway. They share stories, in and out of suit, and feel like they're getting to know each other. Their orbits may have been on the outskirts of one another, but now they were jiving well together. It took a long time for them to get this far and she's a little annoyed that their "about us" story would involve a chocolate egg and a snooty dragon. ]

Five strikes you're out.

Not only is her hair insured for millions of dollars, wears a catsuit that shows more curves than backroad, but also hates most men.

[ That's all she knows. Thanks Wikipedia. Felicia's smirking, chewing her bottom lip with a laugh. Truth is – there's no way that she was proficient enough to keep talking about it. Felicia was not a gamer, but she knew enough. And it was fun – it was just ... easy to talk to Peter nowadays. ]

I hope you're not coming over here to talk about video games with me. You're picking the wrong girl.

So you've narrowed it down to two. I'm sure you can figure out the rest.

Ok it's GOOD. It's been GOOD, Cat.

[ He didn't even wait before sending the addendum. ]

Well, when you put it that way, this is now too easy.

Obviously Wendy Koopa!

[ Truth be told, Peter's having a hard time keeping his finger on the pulse when it comes to the state of video games. For the life of him, he can't tell you what a "live service" is. And while he knows the Switch and the PS5 are out, he still thinks Microsoft's stuck on the Xbox 360. ]

What do you take me for, some kind of sad nerd? I wouldn't just

Sorry, I hit send on accident. Was about to hit a flagpole, had to dodge. But the food's okay!

Sometimes I need some positive affirmation! You know how that is.

[ How many times did she, in her youthful DTF haze, praise the masked arachnid? Sure, even now, she insists he's one of the best guys she knows – so... to know that he says that without delay?

Yeah, she has her usual swagger about her back. ]

Horrible. Baeyonetta is in a league of her own.

[ They're both idiots, but at least he knows he's licensed in a fighting game. ]

Oh, thank God!

I'm sure that food was a fortune!

Sorry. After almost a decade of Jameson’s many smear campaigns, can’t relate.

[ He’s being facetious, but goddamn has Spidey’s track record made it difficult for him to seek approval— at least after telling himself responsibility’s the more important thing to uphold than his public image. Because action is his reward, right? Doesn’t mean he’d be content if he lost Felicia’s respect, or she thought less of him for any reason. Validation’s just something he’s kind of... resigned to not receive in general. ]

What does Bayonetta have to do with this?

[ Alright, now he’s definitely fucking with her. Now way he could have misread that, and he doubles down— ]

Come to think of it, you do remind me of Sheik. A lot of fancy flips and ninja gadgets.

As for me, Mario. Can’t go wrong with an agile red and blue guy!

But I’ve been working on my Diddy Kong game. The way he sticks to walls and flings bananas reminds me of how I tend to irritate criminals.

[ He also can’t fault Diddy Kong for his peanut gun. That looks like it took the kind of ingenuity Peter mustered to design his web shooters! ]

You should be a little more self-serving. My therapist says it's good to have balance.

[ There's that pull. It's what separates them, even when they jive so damn well together. Felicia isn't a gloryhound, but she can't imagine a thankless job. It pains her he was so good-natured – in ways she never could be – for no thanks.

Felicia scrunches her face up in disapproval at her phone but, finally pushes herself off her railing and instead walks back towards the glass door of her penthouse, texting and walking all the way. A mental note was there to be a little nicer to him tonight. ]

You're wasting your time talking about this game when you could be hyping me for this moonlight munchie waiting to happen. You know I haven't played that before we chased each other around town, right?

[ Meaning, she's rusty and it's been a while. ]

With the order I'm bringing over, there'll be enough self-serving for the two of us!

[ Yeah, not a direct engagement with how Peter can be selfless to a fault. But he's paid a high price for selfish decisions before, and it's made it difficult for him to accept making a self-serving choice that's benign. Maybe what's kept him away from Felicia for so long is how scared he is. Not of her, but of what could come from allowing himself to be happy. ]

I have honestly... only picked up Ultimate a few times at the Avengers Mansion. But hey, I remember enough from 4 to hold my own.

Anyway, I'm here.

[ That's right. Just before she reaches the glass door to reenter her penthouse, she'll hear Peter's ~~clap of his own asscheeks~~ graceful landing on the railing where she was just leaning. He's perched on said bars with the tray of coffee in one hand, and the bag of food in the other, having removed it from where it was webbed to his hip. ]

Special delivery!

Hope you like your avocado toast thrown around like it's been shoved in a dryer.

[ Carefully, he steps off the railing to properly approach Felicia with the food. ]

It's all mush in the end, anyway. So I'm pretty stoked.

[ The asscheeks heard 'round the city was a familiar sound and she turns to face him with a smirk. Of course – it was just typical luxurious Felicia Hardy here, in a robe and with an empty glass of wine. Without Spider-Delivery, she'd be stuck rummaging for a way to spend her night. White girl problems, amiright? ]

Oh, so like every normal delivery driver! Fortunately for you... [ They meet halfway, her fingers giving him one of those distracting scratches right against the tension of his mask against his jawline – intimate and alluring all at once. ] I give really good tips.

[ And she'll yoink the bag with a giddy twist of her hips to motion him inside. ]

Thanks for abandoning your soooo interesting stakeout. It's like we haven't seen each other in a while, right?

[ ~~Those cheeks sure produced a familiar thwipping sound when they clapped upon his landing.~~ The large, bug-eyed stare of Peter's mask is also an accurate representation of how he feels just looking at Felicia in her current state. The robe, the wine, and all the luxuriating that he can imagine her doing in that getup... the Amazing Spider-Man is, for once, amazed. ]

I'm not looking to see this play out like one of those intros to... well.

Forget I said anything.

[ That's him shrugging to hide his embarrassment, having caught himself run his mouth in her presence for the umpteenth time. Her attitude, with the brief caress of his mask and all, is not helping matters for him.

Fortunately, he's got no "mad-on" to hide and she starts talking about business. ]

Felt like years, Felicia. It's like I'm seeing a ghost!

[ Despite their last coffee date being, like, three days ago.

As he follows her inside, he's careful to close the door behind him. His suit fares pretty well in most weather, but the draft across New York this evening has caused quite the chill. ]

Though I must say I'm far from opposed to a "visitation." Especially if we keep talking about fighting games.

[ He hopes to god she can tell that he's joking. ]

[ It wasn't as if Felicia was known for dressing anything less than collected and styled. The only difference was she didn't expect visitors, and her naturally playing Sex & the City reflective lounging on her balcony just came with the territory of her downtime. She plays it cute and she almost hates that he makes her laugh more than every lately. Instead of annoyance, it's gone into endearing territory. Congrats. ]

I don't see a pizza box, so I don't think it's that kind of party.

[ The penthouse itself was an amalgam of different past wins. The one she had receipts proving she paid for.... eventually. Chinese dragon decor, statues of Greek goddesses, some cat figurines dating back to ancient Egypt – she was hard to pinpoint in style and interior design. The bag was set down on the coffee table and instead of lounging right onto the couch, she kneels down without worry of this collected persona. Felicia can hang with the guys, grab a beer, and eagerly await an impromptu moment with Peter. Her eyes glance up with a small smirk, going along with the whole back and forth. ]

Sorry, rule #21 of Casa Cat, no fighting game talk. Guess you'll have to deal with boring banter with me. Poor you.

Nothing a quick detour across the street can't fix.

[ He's realizing how much he doesn't wanna commit to the bit, so-- ]

I don't mean that. This'll be enough carbs as is.

[ Not that he's particularly concerned. Their lifestyles don't exactly lend to sitting around all the time, anyway.

Peter tries to be attentive to his surroundings in general, so he's not always reliant on his spider-sense. Now, though, he finds himself quite immersed in his own tunnel vision. Any sight of the decor, from fancy jade dragons to ornate marble goddesses, fall away. Rather, he's laser-focused on the sight of Felicia, swaying hips and all, before she settles on down. ]

I have others I can talk to for that. Like Moon Knight.

[ Though that guy's more of a Melee freak. ]

So stakeout was pretty long and a little less than eventful. Means I'm hungry.

Hope you don't mind if I chow down!

[ It's then that he reaches in the bag for his respective serving of avocado toast, nestled in its takeout box. But instead of committing to taking it for himself, he proffers it to Felicia, knowing full he can just pick up the other one. ]

Actually, please. Help yourself. I tried so hard not to do fancy flips while carrying this stuff.

[ She knows what he means, how their teasing had no real filter. She jokes about just as many ridiculous things, a few Pornhub pizza guy jokes was not too off balance. Things were light, airy with their usual back and forths so she doesn't put too much stock into it. This guy was known for finding any situation to quip – would she expect anything else by now? ]

You really should start carrying those protein bars I told you about... [ A quick, sly dig hums past her lips before the coveted toast was revealed. There wasn't an expectation of manners, not that it wasn't humbling and sweet when he remembers he has some – she takes it with a nod. ] Gonna say you still did a few, though. Habits and all that jazz.

[ The resounding crunch was chased by a satisfying sigh. It was a nice fatty food to get down to help with an impending hangover. By now, she was sobering up – but that tongue was far from shy as she points at him idly. ]

You... may have a gift. Your recommendations have been pretty top-notch. Spider and Peter.

[ Emphasize was on both, on their little quick bites on the clock or their out-of-costume meet-ups between busy days. ]

Close to saying you're a clone, but...

[ Unfortunately, Peter's prodigious proclivity for puns can't save him from being hungry. At this moment, only avocado toast can. So he takes a seat on the sofa adjacent to Felicia, and pulls his mask off his head. He pries open the takeout box and starts chowing down on said toast, audibly relishing in its savory taste. ]

I'll have to take you up on that idea.

[ He's just worried about protein bars melting on the job, namely when he's out during the day. ]

Can't go punning on empty, after all.

[ Let's just say he heard about Felicia and Matt's little contest.

And when she speaks of Peter's particular gift-- not the spider powers that are a gift and a curse, but his knack for finding nice places in NYC, he scratches the back of his head. He tries not to smile too much, but he's always been a man parched for praise. ]

Aw, shucks. I just learned a lot watching Guy Fieri, y'know?

[ A modest smile becomes one of mischief. ]

Maybe I've been his clone all along.

Might follow his business model for my next venture. Can't go worse than the way Parker Industries went down the toilet!

I'll grab a box next time I stop at my gym. [ And she clarifies, as if she needs to show that she's trying to play the good girl role. ] Buy. Not sticky fingers grab.

[ But, she shoots him a glare mid-bite. If word gets out that she's just as bad with the jokes... her street cred goes out of the window. When her and Peter were at odds, be it personal or professional, she was quick to call his jokes stupid but... she didn't mind them a bit now.

She's going to seriously cash in on Matt for spilling the beans, though. ]

If you're a clone, there has to be some give-away. Something that isn't exact. A mole... a missing scar... [ Sweet words, teasing and light indicate something else but she doesn't quite get there. ] Oh. Yeah, sorry, babe but – business isn't for everyone. Maybe take a community college class before... investing... in that.

[ Truthfully? She's been thinking about it herself. For one reason or another, her private investigation business shuttered its windows – but... hm. Makes her think a revival may not be too far off. ]

Good? [ The toast. ] Weirdly goes well with a bottle of wine. Huh. Ya learn something new every day.

Hmm. Wasn't gonna ask, but now...

[ He looks at her suspiciously, but in a teasing way, wearing something of a Dreamworks face. Before that attitude overstays its welcome, he quickly relents. ]

Kidding.

[ But then he laughs at her little tangent on clones. He can't forget that this isn't just about clone shenanigans in general, but about the idea of him being a clone of Guy Fieri. Or perhaps, to make matters more confusing, what if Guy Fieri was the clone all along, and he's living the life Peter's supposed to have?? ]

Look, all I need to do next time is get another business-savvy evil genius to take over my body and run a company from the ground-up, just so I can run it back to the ground when I inevitably reclaim my body.

[ That was a mouthful of a joke, and he stops to take a mouthful of more avocado toast. But then he decides to speak while chewing-- ]

Sorry, Felicia. That was one mouthful of a joke!

[ It's like he read my mind. ~~But he won't address that fact because he's not Deadpool~~ ]

You know I'm a bit of a teetotaler, but consider me curious. Mind if I have a sip?

[ He thinks to look at her pleadingly in a facetious way, but then figures he'd be pushing his luck. A more natural sincerity about this will do, he realizes, and just casually continues eating his toast after asking. ]

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