gourmetburgers | [texting repository] bc not everything's gotta be action

Wishing it was just me being weird all along is a "monkey's paw" situation all on its own. Just saying.

[ If it was just Peter all the time, then it's true that he's heaping all these self-fulfilling prophecies upon himself, against his better judgment. But what if there is some mysterious force dictating Peter's fate, assigning consequences to his actions and wishes? Perhaps that same force articulates itself here and now, as we speak, intoning these very words... ]

I'm trying to save up for something special, okay. Something for you, maybe, but don't quote me on that.

(it's not a literal monkey's paw or monkey's paw-themed accessory)

Also, I bet you play Joker. Dude is a thief. And the game he's from has another cat-themed thief who's pretty damn cute, if I do say so myself.

But maybe I'm biased.

One day you'll know when to web your own mouth shut.

[ He's totally a buzzkill with the monkey paw! She's still laughing though, mainly because it just sounds ridiculous. What's bad about wanting more? Wanting more keeps you waking up every day, after all.

Felicia settles against her balcony's fence, leaning over the railing idly and enjoying the last bit of the night. ]

I know we have 9 whole coffee dates under our belts and a whole lot of UST... but Peter –

[ She's TEASING.... haha, unless. Even at this point, she doesn't let the sentimentality of 'something special' equate to a ring. She uses it as a joke, mainly because she likes him thinking she can joke in return. ]

Wrong. Close, but – I don't know anything about most of the characters. Good to know any cat-themed thief that decides to tip-toe a DMCA can catch your eye, though... hm.

As a lifelong learner, I’m open to being taught how.

[ Uh oh. Peter’s starting to get in a mood while he’s waiting to pick up the avocado toast and some coffee. Being made to wait certainly has an effect, doesn’t it? ]

Your birthday’s coming up, right? All the reason I need, Cat.

[ Yes ad hoc I am mandating this as something in this continuity lol ]

Alright. This one’s a wild card, but you are, so.

Ice Climbers.

Huh.

[ She leaves it at that, spamming a gif his way. ]

What do you ever get the lovable thief that has everything she could ever want? Hmmm... tall order. I look forward to it.

[ I mean, that just makes her smile like an idiot. ]

Wrong. What do I, and one of the characters have in common?

[ Peter leaves a like on that gif, unsure how to continue that aspect of the conversation. It seems to deserve more of a follow-up in-person. There’s a lot of hope invested in that one “thumbs-up” emoji, then— the one Felicia can see from her end of the convo. ]

You’d be surprised.

Hell, you will be surprised. Just watch!

[ He resends the same cat gif, thinking he’s funny. To nobody’s surprise, he’s also trying to seem more conniving than he and Felicia know him to be. ]

Zero Suit Samus? I mean...

She’s agile. Deadly. Dresses skintight.

She’s uh

Limber.

[ No longer thinking with his brain, it seems. Could be that he’s fresh out of it till he gets the caffeine.

At least he’s got enough wherewithal to swing through the city without ruining the bag of food (he has webbed it to dangle from his hip) and the cardboard tray of coffees. ]

You're setting my expectations high, you know. Cats can be pretty hard to please, but... maybe I'll take it easy for you.

[ He is funny - funnier than the handful of guys she's dated since they went different ways. The reality was... as much as she said his jokes were corny and annoying – they leave her laughing. Helps her take life a little less seriously. ]

Is that the one in the big bulky armor? No way. I'm giving you two more chances before you're enjoying the evening yourself. I thought you KNEW me.

Finally, a break in my streak of bad luck.

Well, it actually hasn't been much of a streak lately. Our dates have made life recently... kind of an outlier.

[ He could lay it on even thicker how much he's been enjoying coffee - hence the ease with which he's willing to transport some cafe food to Felicia's. Hopefully a relatively understated compliments satisfies, for now. Because Peter's certainly smiling, imagining how much Felicia must enjoy all his silly bullshit. ]

I mean when she's got her clothes off.

Her ARMOR off. She's wearing clothes under her armor, leaving little to the, the--

Y'know what. That's probably still not it, then.

Incineroar? That's literally an entire cat. Can't go wrong with that!

[ Felicia might begin to wonder how Peter's texting and swinging at the same time. Maybe he's so motivated to text her that he's literally sending messages between thwips. As each swing propels him into the sky, he texts one-handed while plummeting, only to shoot another thread of web before he and the coffee can go ker-splat. ]

Good outlier or bad outlier? You know you have to be specific with me!

[ Coffee was just the gateway. They share stories, in and out of suit, and feel like they're getting to know each other. Their orbits may have been on the outskirts of one another, but now they were jiving well together. It took a long time for them to get this far and she's a little annoyed that their "about us" story would involve a chocolate egg and a snooty dragon. ]

Five strikes you're out.

Not only is her hair insured for millions of dollars, wears a catsuit that shows more curves than backroad, but also hates most men.

[ That's all she knows. Thanks Wikipedia. Felicia's smirking, chewing her bottom lip with a laugh. Truth is – there's no way that she was proficient enough to keep talking about it. Felicia was not a gamer, but she knew enough. And it was fun – it was just ... easy to talk to Peter nowadays. ]

I hope you're not coming over here to talk about video games with me. You're picking the wrong girl.

So you've narrowed it down to two. I'm sure you can figure out the rest.

Ok it's GOOD. It's been GOOD, Cat.

[ He didn't even wait before sending the addendum. ]

Well, when you put it that way, this is now too easy.

Obviously Wendy Koopa!

[ Truth be told, Peter's having a hard time keeping his finger on the pulse when it comes to the state of video games. For the life of him, he can't tell you what a "live service" is. And while he knows the Switch and the PS5 are out, he still thinks Microsoft's stuck on the Xbox 360. ]

What do you take me for, some kind of sad nerd? I wouldn't just

Sorry, I hit send on accident. Was about to hit a flagpole, had to dodge. But the food's okay!

Sometimes I need some positive affirmation! You know how that is.

[ How many times did she, in her youthful DTF haze, praise the masked arachnid? Sure, even now, she insists he's one of the best guys she knows – so... to know that he says that without delay?

Yeah, she has her usual swagger about her back. ]

Horrible. Baeyonetta is in a league of her own.

[ They're both idiots, but at least he knows he's licensed in a fighting game. ]

Oh, thank God!

I'm sure that food was a fortune!

Sorry. After almost a decade of Jameson’s many smear campaigns, can’t relate.

[ He’s being facetious, but goddamn has Spidey’s track record made it difficult for him to seek approval— at least after telling himself responsibility’s the more important thing to uphold than his public image. Because action is his reward, right? Doesn’t mean he’d be content if he lost Felicia’s respect, or she thought less of him for any reason. Validation’s just something he’s kind of... resigned to not receive in general. ]

What does Bayonetta have to do with this?

[ Alright, now he’s definitely fucking with her. Now way he could have misread that, and he doubles down— ]

Come to think of it, you do remind me of Sheik. A lot of fancy flips and ninja gadgets.

As for me, Mario. Can’t go wrong with an agile red and blue guy!

But I’ve been working on my Diddy Kong game. The way he sticks to walls and flings bananas reminds me of how I tend to irritate criminals.

[ He also can’t fault Diddy Kong for his peanut gun. That looks like it took the kind of ingenuity Peter mustered to design his web shooters! ]

You should be a little more self-serving. My therapist says it's good to have balance.

[ There's that pull. It's what separates them, even when they jive so damn well together. Felicia isn't a gloryhound, but she can't imagine a thankless job. It pains her he was so good-natured – in ways she never could be – for no thanks.

Felicia scrunches her face up in disapproval at her phone but, finally pushes herself off her railing and instead walks back towards the glass door of her penthouse, texting and walking all the way. A mental note was there to be a little nicer to him tonight. ]

You're wasting your time talking about this game when you could be hyping me for this moonlight munchie waiting to happen. You know I haven't played that before we chased each other around town, right?

[ Meaning, she's rusty and it's been a while. ]

With the order I'm bringing over, there'll be enough self-serving for the two of us!

[ Yeah, not a direct engagement with how Peter can be selfless to a fault. But he's paid a high price for selfish decisions before, and it's made it difficult for him to accept making a self-serving choice that's benign. Maybe what's kept him away from Felicia for so long is how scared he is. Not of her, but of what could come from allowing himself to be happy. ]

I have honestly... only picked up Ultimate a few times at the Avengers Mansion. But hey, I remember enough from 4 to hold my own.

Anyway, I'm here.

[ That's right. Just before she reaches the glass door to reenter her penthouse, she'll hear Peter's ~~clap of his own asscheeks~~ graceful landing on the railing where she was just leaning. He's perched on said bars with the tray of coffee in one hand, and the bag of food in the other, having removed it from where it was webbed to his hip. ]

Special delivery!

Hope you like your avocado toast thrown around like it's been shoved in a dryer.

[ Carefully, he steps off the railing to properly approach Felicia with the food. ]

It's all mush in the end, anyway. So I'm pretty stoked.

[ The asscheeks heard 'round the city was a familiar sound and she turns to face him with a smirk. Of course – it was just typical luxurious Felicia Hardy here, in a robe and with an empty glass of wine. Without Spider-Delivery, she'd be stuck rummaging for a way to spend her night. White girl problems, amiright? ]

Oh, so like every normal delivery driver! Fortunately for you... [ They meet halfway, her fingers giving him one of those distracting scratches right against the tension of his mask against his jawline – intimate and alluring all at once. ] I give really good tips.

[ And she'll yoink the bag with a giddy twist of her hips to motion him inside. ]

Thanks for abandoning your soooo interesting stakeout. It's like we haven't seen each other in a while, right?

[ ~~Those cheeks sure produced a familiar thwipping sound when they clapped upon his landing.~~ The large, bug-eyed stare of Peter's mask is also an accurate representation of how he feels just looking at Felicia in her current state. The robe, the wine, and all the luxuriating that he can imagine her doing in that getup... the Amazing Spider-Man is, for once, amazed. ]

I'm not looking to see this play out like one of those intros to... well.

Forget I said anything.

[ That's him shrugging to hide his embarrassment, having caught himself run his mouth in her presence for the umpteenth time. Her attitude, with the brief caress of his mask and all, is not helping matters for him.

Fortunately, he's got no "mad-on" to hide and she starts talking about business. ]

Felt like years, Felicia. It's like I'm seeing a ghost!

[ Despite their last coffee date being, like, three days ago.

As he follows her inside, he's careful to close the door behind him. His suit fares pretty well in most weather, but the draft across New York this evening has caused quite the chill. ]

Though I must say I'm far from opposed to a "visitation." Especially if we keep talking about fighting games.

[ He hopes to god she can tell that he's joking. ]

[ It wasn't as if Felicia was known for dressing anything less than collected and styled. The only difference was she didn't expect visitors, and her naturally playing Sex & the City reflective lounging on her balcony just came with the territory of her downtime. She plays it cute and she almost hates that he makes her laugh more than every lately. Instead of annoyance, it's gone into endearing territory. Congrats. ]

I don't see a pizza box, so I don't think it's that kind of party.

[ The penthouse itself was an amalgam of different past wins. The one she had receipts proving she paid for.... eventually. Chinese dragon decor, statues of Greek goddesses, some cat figurines dating back to ancient Egypt – she was hard to pinpoint in style and interior design. The bag was set down on the coffee table and instead of lounging right onto the couch, she kneels down without worry of this collected persona. Felicia can hang with the guys, grab a beer, and eagerly await an impromptu moment with Peter. Her eyes glance up with a small smirk, going along with the whole back and forth. ]

Sorry, rule #21 of Casa Cat, no fighting game talk. Guess you'll have to deal with boring banter with me. Poor you.

Nothing a quick detour across the street can't fix.

[ He's realizing how much he doesn't wanna commit to the bit, so-- ]

I don't mean that. This'll be enough carbs as is.

[ Not that he's particularly concerned. Their lifestyles don't exactly lend to sitting around all the time, anyway.

Peter tries to be attentive to his surroundings in general, so he's not always reliant on his spider-sense. Now, though, he finds himself quite immersed in his own tunnel vision. Any sight of the decor, from fancy jade dragons to ornate marble goddesses, fall away. Rather, he's laser-focused on the sight of Felicia, swaying hips and all, before she settles on down. ]

I have others I can talk to for that. Like Moon Knight.

[ Though that guy's more of a Melee freak. ]

So stakeout was pretty long and a little less than eventful. Means I'm hungry.

Hope you don't mind if I chow down!

[ It's then that he reaches in the bag for his respective serving of avocado toast, nestled in its takeout box. But instead of committing to taking it for himself, he proffers it to Felicia, knowing full he can just pick up the other one. ]

Actually, please. Help yourself. I tried so hard not to do fancy flips while carrying this stuff.

[ She knows what he means, how their teasing had no real filter. She jokes about just as many ridiculous things, a few Pornhub pizza guy jokes was not too off balance. Things were light, airy with their usual back and forths so she doesn't put too much stock into it. This guy was known for finding any situation to quip – would she expect anything else by now? ]

You really should start carrying those protein bars I told you about... [ A quick, sly dig hums past her lips before the coveted toast was revealed. There wasn't an expectation of manners, not that it wasn't humbling and sweet when he remembers he has some – she takes it with a nod. ] Gonna say you still did a few, though. Habits and all that jazz.

[ The resounding crunch was chased by a satisfying sigh. It was a nice fatty food to get down to help with an impending hangover. By now, she was sobering up – but that tongue was far from shy as she points at him idly. ]

You... may have a gift. Your recommendations have been pretty top-notch. Spider and Peter.

[ Emphasize was on both, on their little quick bites on the clock or their out-of-costume meet-ups between busy days. ]

Close to saying you're a clone, but...

[ Unfortunately, Peter's prodigious proclivity for puns can't save him from being hungry. At this moment, only avocado toast can. So he takes a seat on the sofa adjacent to Felicia, and pulls his mask off his head. He pries open the takeout box and starts chowing down on said toast, audibly relishing in its savory taste. ]

I'll have to take you up on that idea.

[ He's just worried about protein bars melting on the job, namely when he's out during the day. ]

Can't go punning on empty, after all.

[ Let's just say he heard about Felicia and Matt's little contest.

And when she speaks of Peter's particular gift-- not the spider powers that are a gift and a curse, but his knack for finding nice places in NYC, he scratches the back of his head. He tries not to smile too much, but he's always been a man parched for praise. ]

Aw, shucks. I just learned a lot watching Guy Fieri, y'know?

[ A modest smile becomes one of mischief. ]

Maybe I've been his clone all along.

Might follow his business model for my next venture. Can't go worse than the way Parker Industries went down the toilet!

I'll grab a box next time I stop at my gym. [ And she clarifies, as if she needs to show that she's trying to play the good girl role. ] Buy. Not sticky fingers grab.

[ But, she shoots him a glare mid-bite. If word gets out that she's just as bad with the jokes... her street cred goes out of the window. When her and Peter were at odds, be it personal or professional, she was quick to call his jokes stupid but... she didn't mind them a bit now.

She's going to seriously cash in on Matt for spilling the beans, though. ]

If you're a clone, there has to be some give-away. Something that isn't exact. A mole... a missing scar... [ Sweet words, teasing and light indicate something else but she doesn't quite get there. ] Oh. Yeah, sorry, babe but – business isn't for everyone. Maybe take a community college class before... investing... in that.

[ Truthfully? She's been thinking about it herself. For one reason or another, her private investigation business shuttered its windows – but... hm. Makes her think a revival may not be too far off. ]

Good? [ The toast. ] Weirdly goes well with a bottle of wine. Huh. Ya learn something new every day.

Hmm. Wasn't gonna ask, but now...

[ He looks at her suspiciously, but in a teasing way, wearing something of a Dreamworks face. Before that attitude overstays its welcome, he quickly relents. ]

Kidding.

[ But then he laughs at her little tangent on clones. He can't forget that this isn't just about clone shenanigans in general, but about the idea of him being a clone of Guy Fieri. Or perhaps, to make matters more confusing, what if Guy Fieri was the clone all along, and he's living the life Peter's supposed to have?? ]

Look, all I need to do next time is get another business-savvy evil genius to take over my body and run a company from the ground-up, just so I can run it back to the ground when I inevitably reclaim my body.

[ That was a mouthful of a joke, and he stops to take a mouthful of more avocado toast. But then he decides to speak while chewing-- ]

Sorry, Felicia. That was one mouthful of a joke!

[ It's like he read my mind. ~~But he won't address that fact because he's not Deadpool~~ ]

You know I'm a bit of a teetotaler, but consider me curious. Mind if I have a sip?

[ He thinks to look at her pleadingly in a facetious way, but then figures he'd be pushing his luck. A more natural sincerity about this will do, he realizes, and just casually continues eating his toast after asking. ]

[ She takes no offense, even if he teases her. It takes a lot to get under her skin, but at least she knows why he can joke. There are multiple instances where... she may have done something unsavory! No one's ledger as clear, but she leaves that guilt in the past for the most part1

The topic of clones could be sore too, but their back and forth puts a lot on the table. It makes it quite easy to shoot the shit in the easiest way possible. ]

You are playing the billion dollar row version of Stonk Market annnnnd, I really hate that. [ How the hell did he really let all these wild adventures happen to him?! ] Why not get rich the easiest way?

[ Steal! ]

No, nevermind – save the conscience talk for later.

[ When he mentions the wine, she instead takes another quick bite of her toast and hops up. There will be no sip in her penthouse. Into the kitchen she goes – a few moments where he's left alone with himself. Clanks echo in the kitchen and a cork is popped – before long, Felicia returns with two glasses of wine poured modestly. Back to the coffee table, she kneels down and slides one glass across towards Peter. ]

If you're going to take a sip, you're going to want more. Just figured I'd cut it off at the pass. This is my favorite, so I don't mind sharing.

[ Honestly, she looks down to it with a small smile. ]

I had it at an Italian place uptown, a few weeks after I sold some stolen art I nabbed during my first few heists. Maaaaybe it tasted best because it was a celebration, but – it's good even now.

[ The clone thing left an undeniable impact on Peter, but in many ways, it's quite far behind him. The void left by Gwen still hurts more, but so much in his tumultuous life has happened that it's almost staggering to just... meditate on it all. Some things about clones do still hurt, like what the Kravinoff family did to Kaine. What their hatred and cruelty brought out of Peter, and drove him to do.

But right here and right now, with Felicia, the hurt falls away. The familiar back-and-forth of her antics, the terminally tempted straight-man that she brings out of him... it's a comfort, second only to avocado toast. ]

Felicia, you know I'm only ever gonna steal back what was stolen first. Remember the egg?

[ Speaking of memories, there's a fresher pain in the ass for you. ]

Okay, fine. Thanks. The whole shebang with the wine glass it is.

[ So he takes the thing and allows himself a tentative sip, not quite sure how one should drink wine. ]

You, uh...

[ He'd gulped it hesitantly. ]

This tastes good to you?

[ He chuckles at his own predicament, taking another sip nonetheless. He might not be a fan of the flavor, but boy is he fascinated to keep tasting it. It doesn't even occur to him to take another bite of his avocado toast, too transfixed in his own wine-tasting. ]

Sorry, I don't go by Spider-Wineo for a reason.

And I'm gonna let the stolen art thing slide... for now. I just heard a guy sold an 18-grand art piece even though it was a figment of his imagination.

[ Which is to say, Peter thinks of responsibility in terms of protecting others from harm. Not so much upholding every line of bullshit passed around in the art world, among other institutions. If he was committed to holding what was legal and what was moral as irrevocably identical, an extralegal vigilante such as himself would've never come to be. ]

[ Felicia knows he needs a vacation. Even if prior to their eggscapade, Felicia doesn't even remember the last time he went on vacation? Left the city on non-arachnid business? He dismissed her desires to slide down to Nassau multiple times, ignored her talks of Paris and how beautiful it would be to sit at the very top of that landmark tower... One day, she'll succeed in letting him pretend to live like the 1%.

By the time she returns to him with the glass of wine, she isn't going to prod him too much about her thoughts on how wound up he tended to get. ]

What? I'm charitable. You bring the snacks, I bring the 'sip'. You're my guest, y'know.

[ Watching him sip definitely does present a show on its own. She doesn't proceed drinking herself, doesn't take another bite of her toast. He seemed like a kid wanting to take a sip of mom's wine for the first time. ]

It's sweet! It's not moscato, sure, but – [ She defends her taste, refined by years of socializing with upperclass if only to garner her own socialite life – to throw people off her scent. Felicia winces at his words, falling for his rambles and stories like she always does. He has a way with words, that gets her out of her head and let's her see the world in something... good-natured? Funny? Who knew. ] Okay, okay, first of all...

[ A finger point. ]

Can't chase past Felicia down for crimes. I think slinging around the city with you let me get my volunteer hours. Redemption, whatever you want to call it. [ She makes up her own rules, but, she gets away with it with a flutter of those pretty green eyes. ] Secondly? That is a total scam. At least I thieved and sold to make myself feel better.

[ She mumbles into a bite of her toast: ]

Bet he just did it to prove a point.

[ Peter’s too scarred by his last trip to rural Scotland. Few high vantage points to web-swing from, spooky ancient warrior ghosts that turned out to be an instance of Scooby-Doo villainy... what a damn nightmare. Worse, that time in Germany when Wolverine showed up and they had an ideological disagreement. Peter then killed a woman on accident, thinking he’d punched Logan. All the trauma associated with leaving New York notwithstanding, Peter can be convinced to take another vacation if Felicia ever broaches the topic. He’s just got a lot of repressed baggage to unload, first.

And god knows there’s still quite a lot of that between himself and Felicia. ]

I have no frame of reference for “moscato,” or even what this is called.

[ From the way he smiles when he says it, he hopes Felicia knows that he knows he’s out of his depth, but nonetheless... ]

I appreciate you sharing this with me, though. While it’s not my ballpark, it’s yours.

[ Despite his attitude, it’s a smile he struggles to muster while stomaching the taste of the wine. ]

It’s like getting to know a part of you better. Know what I mean?

Say I tried to show you a little bit about photography. Or science-y stuff.

[ Come to think of it, he’s looking at the wine glass and can’t help but be reminded of lab glassware. What if he started using one of these for experiments?

Funnier than that idea is Felicia’s response to the ‘high art’ scam of the century. He’s been finishing off the last of his avocado toast all the while, swallowing by the time Felicia finishes. ]

And he made a huge profit from it along the way. Sounds about as committed to a real cause as Banksy.

Between him BS-ing that ‘art’ into ‘existence’ and the patron who’s both gullible and pretentious enough to buy it... I can’t tell who’s worse.

Kinda wish I could just ‘see’ the thing in an exhibit! Maybe my spider-sense will catch it. Maybe you can steal it.

[ Now he’s just laughing at his own jokes. Peter’s not trying to rant too much, here, after all. ]

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