gourmetburgers | [texting repository] bc not everything's gotta be action

1. YOU PROMISED!!! You even pinky swore!
2. If I have to hear a "pussywhipped" joke one more time...
3. Okay, forget the study session. New plan. Buffet and Brains - it's like we reward ourselves for acing our practice tests with stuffing our faces. I'm tooootally going to trademark it.
4. I can't go out – I ran out of foundation and I refuse to be seen like this.
5. I have a treasure map and there's a 50% chance it leads riiiight into your pants. ;)

Okay, but who gave it to you? Is it a trustworthy source?

Gotta tell you, Ann... misinformation's everywhere these days. Damn.

[ He's very committed to the bit and clearly too pleased with himself. ]

[ She heard this on a TV show and wanted to try it. Just, y'know, for fun? She always has to up her game going against the boy wonder over there. ]

Maybe I found it? Locked away deep within a palace. Hmmmmmmmmm. Maybe my sources are accurate! Be optimistic!

Just offering my services to make sure this treasure map is legit.

Besides, what if you get lost? If you fall into any traps, you need someone to pull out.

I mean... pull you out.

Uh huh. I think you're volunteering for that. Maybe the real treasure map was the cute boy we met along the way.

[ And before he can – ]

That means you, by the way. Don't even!

Trust me, bringing Kon into this won't make navigating the map any easier.

[ Oh, he snickers at that. ]

Ah. You meant me. That last text of yours was delayed. :|

[ Complete lies. He knows it, she knows it. ]

Come to think of it, you do explore Mementos pretty well. Maybe you won't need my help after all...

[ No sANNdwich here. ]

Ooooh, that sounds so fake. I bet if I Facetimed you right now you'd be cracking one of those smug smirks. That's when I know you're being a lil' shithead!

[ But, back to her showering him with flirtations and not exploding like Ryuji would... ]

AHEM... Birdboy, I practically know this map like the back of my hand. Fortunately for you, anyway...

Wanna bet? Go ahead, then. See exactly the kind of face I’m making.

[ Not that she’ll be surprised, if she actually FaceTimes. It’s exactly as described... for now. ]

Thought you said there was a 50% success rate. So where does the other 50% go, if not in my pants?

[ He wants to make another joke about Kon, but he holds his tongue. Shows mercy just this once. ]

No way! Sounds like a trap if I ever saw one. Nice try.

[ Soon, but for now... ]

Who knows. Don't worry about uncharted territories or whatever. Sounds like you have little faith in me. Hmmmm.

What's the worst that could happen? Camera turns on and suddenly I'm bald?

[ Of all the outlandish-- okay, Tim can't even entertain the thought. Seems more likely he'll grow up to be a fascist dictator Batman who kills people with guns than... bald. (and ugly, and looking like he listens to the Joe Rogan Experience and buys all their fake supplements) ]

Can't help it, Ann. I'm an atheist... and you're a goddess. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[ He knows that he's being ridiculous, that Ann's going to be in equal parts amused and frustrated. Welcome to Tim's twisted mind. ]

But if you wanna resolve my little crisis of faith, please do. I'm waiting for a sign.

Or this is a major ploy to get me right where you want me. Not going to work. If we're FaceTiming, you gotta earn it.

[ Please don't talk about all of the weird aesthetic choices DC does for their guys. Why does everyone go through a buzzed hair phase? He says bald, she thinks literally losing the shagginess of his hair. ]

Here's a STOP SIGN then, you nerd.

Ugh, how can anyone take those pick-up lines seriously? On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad was that one? The map one, LOL.

Okay, Ann. I'll play your game. What's it gonna take??

[ Thank god they're having this conversation well before Barry Allen ever alters the timeline on accident, only to ostensibly restore the status quo as it's been fucked up by Dr. Manhattan, which then gets fixed... but still leads Dick to get shot in the head and turn into a deadbeat with a buzzcut. Yes, this was a long-winded way of giving DC more shit. ]

You know I break the law all the time, though. What if I don't hit the brakes? 😏

But forreal. I'd say 6.5. Cartography's fun. Just not sure you need it because you already know where to strike oil... so to speak.

Hmmmm, seems like you're pretty desperate to get me on video. Miss me that much?

[ She's far from a seductress, but there's something teasing that sets the mood. It's a playful enough back and forth – and she can only imagine he has downtime if they're able to connect like this. No interruptions, no delays. Maybe she should just call... For now, she keeps it going. For good fun. ]

Don't call it oil. That is like... the worst thing you could call... uh – yeah! You know! Let's just say I am a traveler that knew the right paths to take and sometimes... maybe a map is confirmation of the journey? Or something... Don't quote me.

Not gonna bore you with the details, but I've had to face down dangerous creeps and weirdos for days, okay?

The cutest phone wallpaper in the world just isn't the same as the genuine article. And video's only the next best thing. 😳

[ Downtime indeed. Tim's set aside time to do some logistical housekeeping for Wayne Enterprises, but he's procrastinating. Even if he was bequeathed all of the assets to protect them from Thomas Elliot, another in a long line of people with a grudge on Bruce Wayne, Tim's heart is never far from ~~coffee haha~~ a microscope. A database. And notes upon notes on clues and leads. ]

You're right, what comes out of me's actually better for the environment.

[ By sole virtue of being harmless. God. He understands that to be among the worst things he's ever said. ]

Pretty sure you're just a natural, then... if your past performance is anything to go by.

[ Now he's just trying to be sweet. Like their first few times together haven't been without their fits and starts, being between two total noobs. ]

I meaaaaan, I'm sure there's some teleporter device in that toolbelt of yours. If not, you could totally skip the video andddd –

[ Be here. With her. It's dumb, she knows but she texts before she can think it over. This was down time, where they could both relax and just shoot the shit, at least. Better than her texting during class or he answering a call mid-fight. ]

OMG, stoppppp! Why are you both endearing and frustrating. You sure that isn't your superpower or something? You can go back to begging me to FaceTime you, if you're going to be singing my praises over there.

It's occurred to me to just fly by sometimes. Not sure how I can justify that to the current Batman.

Then again... I don't answer to him directly.

[ Dick may be a control freak in his own way, but Tim understands that he's no Bruce. ]

It's a gift. Said creeps and weirdos like it least of all.

[ Ann must remember how much Akechi hated Tim for giving him shit all the time. ~~And Tim being an actual detective~~ ]

At least I've used it to my advantage in other ways. Remember what gets you to beg.

[ He doesn't just mean whenever they pass by a boba shop with a cool new flavor they weren't aware of, and Ann suddenly must try it. ]

No joyride? No fun. Guess you need a really good reason to visit. Huh.

[ Is she playing hard to get? Hard to tell. She boomerangs their text so fast that there's almost no time to even linger on things. She's actively ignoring a few spam messages from Ryuji, all in favor of this fun back and forth. ]

So, all you're saying is I need to do is... uh huh. Got it!

[ And, he'll receive a ding on his phone. An image. Gasp! If he had time to open it, he'd be greeted by clearly posed photo of Ann sticking her tongue out defiantly. ]

I'm starting to think the best reason I could ever have to visit

is you.

[ That really necessitated two separate texts, apparently. And then Tim receives the pic, grinning in amusement at her attitude. ]

Seriously? Damn.

This is not the pwn you think it is, Ann. My new lockscreen's gonna be the cutest.

[ If it frustrates her to imagine this might have been his plan all along... good! Let it all just be going according to keikaku.*

*Translator's note: keikaku means "plan." ]

Ooooh, so now you say it. Guess I gotta just play the waiting game. :/ We're about to start looking into a lead on some weird stuff going on, not sure if it's anything related to anything but... better visit soon before I'm in work mode 24/7.

[ Could she be teasing? Baiting? Who knows, she's bad at this.

SMH not the old 4chan memes. ]

Don't you DARE!

Interesting. Do keep me updated.

Possible I'll have to fly by sooner rather than later, then. But I think the idea will be coming for Mementos and staying for Ann.

[ It's not like anything specific, like school, is keeping him in Gotham. The place is just such a hotbed for the investigative work he's already doing. It's also only a matter of time before another palace shows up. Worse yet, it may manifest from the psyche of one of Batman's rogues. ]

Dare to do what, huh?

Ann, I'm not a republic serial villain. Do you seriously think I'd explain my masterstroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome?

I did it 35 seconds ago.

[ He sends a screencap of her selfie-turned-lockscreen. ]

Oh, so what you're saying is there is a chance. B)

[ A chance to see him, especially? Always good to know. It sucks being this far apart, even when they're getting to really know each other – to have fun on that path without feeling... exposed. It's addicting at times, late night calls or texts (like this) blending darkness and light with a chasing sunrise.

When he sends her the cap, she's yelling. YELLING! Even posed, she goes through and picks herself apart and – ugh! ]

You're cruel! Use a better one! We took a bunch of selfies in downtown, didn't we?! That is NOT how you should remember me, birdboy! :(

Hmm because I’ve mentioned how my colleagues might disapprove...

Let’s just say the likelihood’s increased.

[ He’s lied to Batman (the original one) to get away with less. Ann might be familiar with stories from Tim’s past, of joyrides taken on the Batmobile with the Teen Titans. Joyrides, of course, being pertinent to a given mission back then... but joyrides all the same. ]

Well what if I think it’s cute as all hell, huh?

But fine. I’ll at least make it my homescreen.

[ He goes on to send her a new lockscreen, which is just them together downtown. In it, Tim’s looking real hypebeast, with a hot cup of coffee in his hand to make happy any tabloids watching. The press continues to insist Tim is this waifish coffee addict overworking himself as teen CEO of Wayne Enterprises... and he prefers this to anyone remotely suspecting he’s Red Robin.

~~look at me trying to ameliorate fanon tim as a media construction in-universe~~ ]

I'll take it. I'm not some overbearing girlfriend but can you blame me for being hopeful? It feels like forever already.

[ Maybe that was too forward. She's vulnerable with him, slowly opening up and letting herself become more readable. More predictable. Letting parts of her be known to him that even her friends didn't pick up on. Ann doesn't want to push the subject, so she doesn't text back as quickly. Instead, just letting the moment linger – all until he makes things feel better with his lockscreen.

She goes ahead and sends him one in return, a photo she took of him making coffee the last moment they were together before she returned home. Same Tim, different mood. She liked both of them either way. ]

Well... hopefully you'll have hundreds – no... THOUSANDS of pictures to choose from and not just that gross faced one. ]

Edited 2021-06-01 03:54 (UTC)

No. I’m gonna keep it real with you, Ann. You’re all I think about sometimes.

I can still gather every clue in my head, tell the inspector that the butler did it and be right. But no matter how much I get done, I feel like I’m going nowhere... till I know I’m headed to you.

[ The delay in her responses lead Tim to conclusions that it doesn’t take a detective to make. He doesn’t know Ann’s entire life story any more than she does his, but they’re both hurt. And together, they’re both healing. Of all people, Tim knows that’s not a linear process. That no matter how much fun they have, how many times they’ll poke and prod at each other, there’ll be times when stuff comes out from under the surface. Beneath the mask. What’s important is the way they manage that stuff, together.

Like now.

He gets the image and leaves a 😂 react emoji. Tim looking groggy beyond belief brewing himself a coffee... in that photo, he almost lives up to the reputation imposed on him. But with his particular lifestyle, why would he ever refuse a pick-me-up? ]

I’ve got more than I know what to do with, Ann.

It’s all in my camera roll under an album called “prettiest gf ever.” Because you know how I am about organization.

[ Once again, she doesn't respond immediately. That was a lot. Not in one of those "this is moving too fast" ways, but something more in disbelief. Someone said something like this to her in such a nerdy, vulnerable, and honest way. Not possessive, not gross – she replies with a heart on his message.

And of course, a gif. ]

You don't have to keep hamming it up, you know. It's like you think there's some kind of competition to have me crush on you harder than I am. Ugh.

ann - tfln

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